A Wholock Valentine's Day
by delia-of-earth
Summary: River and the Doctor go out to Valentine's Day dinner with Irene and Sherlock. Oneshot based on a pic from tumblr


**I know what** **you're thinking, but _Delia _you have another fanfic to write! Sorry, this'll have to do for now... I actually kinda like this fic, so I hope you all do too! Reviews just make me better at giving you stories, so please _please _write em' !**

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River looked over at her husband appreciatively. He wasn't typically the sort for Valentine's Day dinner, and neither was she usually, but seeing as it was their first Valentine's Day together, she thought they might make an exception.

"River, are you sure I can't wear a fez?" He asked grumpily, as he tried to fasten his cufflinks. She walked over to him and fixed them for him.

"Yes, sweetie, I'm sure. I'm already letting you wear the bow tie, don't push it."

"But fezzes are cool" he muttered, checking himself in the mirror. With a satisfied look on his face, he fixed his bow tie and then twirled around, looking her up and down before kissing her quickly and going over to fiddle with the TARDIS. She was wearing his favorite black gown, the one she wore at the Byzantium. Practically the same outfit, actually, but she was leaving the gun at home this time. Hopefully there would be no angels to face at a posh restaurant in 21st century London.

To be honest, romanticism wasn't River's only reason for wanting to go to this restaurant. One of her very old friends lived in London during this time period, and she wanted to introduce the Doctor to her - and to her boyfriend. The Doctor had grudgingly agreed to be talked into a double date, with the condition that River owed him – big time.

A few minutes later the Doctor parked the TARDIS and flung open the doors with the usual air of a magician performing his best trick. River stepped out and sighed.

"Sweetie"

"Yes River?" He said, looking at her with a face like a kid who was expecting some huge praise

"You've parked us on the other side of London"

"No, no I can't have you must've told me the wrong address, River, I parked perfectly."

River sighed. Honestly, he could be so frustrating sometimes.

"Here, let me. I'll fly."

"No, no, no, you can't"

But River had already started to dematerialize the TARDIS, and with the expression of someone who had done this a million times before, she opened the door and pointed at the street sign.

"See? Baker Street. Remember, we're picking them up first and then we're all sharing a taxi."

"Well- well- I just-" the Doctor blustered. River shot him a knowing smile and kissed him, properly, before taking his hand and pulling him out of the TARDIS. She stopped him in front of the right door and turned to face him.

"Sweetie, the boyfriend, well he can be a bit… off, ok? It's just he startles some people."

"River, I've handled Daleks, I've handled Sontarons, I've handled sexy fish vampires, I think I can handle someone's boyfriend" he scoffed.

"Well don't say I didn't warn you" and with that, River rang the doorbell.

Immediately the door was pulled open by a friendly, older looking women. The Doctor grinned and took her hand in both of his and shook it warmly.

"Oh hello dear." She said, "You must be River's husband"

she tottered up the stairs, yelling something as she went. After a moment a man came down with her.

"Alright, alright, Mrs. Hudson, I hear you!" he said, annoyed. "Hello. You must be Professor Song and…"

"Oh please, call me River." River interjected"

"I'm the Doctor" the Doctor said

"Hmm, just 'The Doctor'? All right. Well, I'm Sherlock Holmes and my atrociously slow girlfriend should be coming"

"Yes, I am." A beautiful woman was coming down the stairs in an extremely low cut dress and ridiculously high heels. The Doctor thought he saw where River got some of her ideas. "Irene Adler." She said in a sultry voice "Oh, the cheekbones again! You two boys could fence with those faces!" She went over to River while the Doctor patted his face as if trying to figure out what she meant "River! Long time no see"

"Hello dear, how are things?"

"Oh, better now I'm not running from the Americans. For some reason they seem to think I was killed by a terrorist group a couple years ago" she shot her boyfriend a sly smile "and you?"

"Oh, you know. Lots of running, but so goes the job of being married to this one" River and Irene shared a look that honestly frightened the Doctor.

"Well, are we going?" Irene's boyfriend – Sherlock – asked impatiently. "Or do I have time for deductions?"

"You can do them later. It's Valentine's Day – lets have dinner." Irene said. Sherlock smiled at her choice of words.

They all set out for the restaurant. The cab ride was quiet, River and Irene talked about 'the good old day' - apparently River had been stuck in this century for awhile after a research trip went wrong. During this time they had gotten to be very good friends, and River had even met Sherlock during this time too. As far as she could tell Sherlock was in hiding or something so he stayed with them for a week or so. The Doctor found Sherlock to be rather interesting, once you got past his odd exterior, and they held up a conversation.

"It's amazing" Irene remarked to River after they had gotten out of the cab "I haven't seen him so animated since John's wedding"

"Oh did he and that Mary woman tie the knot?" River asked

"Oh yes, and Sherlock had quite the role there" Irene replied

"I can only imagine"

"Are you two going to stand there gossiping all night?" Sherlock asked.

They were seated at a nice table near the back. The restaurant was nice, not anything to special, but with a good atmosphere and a fancy menu full of words the Doctor couldn't pronounce.

"You know I used to love to talk in French" he mused "I used to go about saying 'allonsy'"

"Now you flail about wearing fezzes and saying 'geronimo'. Wish we'd gotten married sooner, maybe I could have caught a bit of you in your French-speaking years." Rever retorted

Appetizers arrived, and they each finished their small plates of food. By this point, Irene was looking at Sherlock with something that resembled apprehension. Sherlock was staring at the Doctor with his hands pressed together, resting his chin on his thumb.

"Hm. You're a tough one. You look young but you're not - not sure how that works out. You run a lot, judging by the wear on the inside leg of your trousers, and you also get into a variety of violent scenarios because your jacket sleeve is singed - also your wife has a gun strapped to her leg, bit of a giveaway, but who am I to speak. Not a professional doctor, then, so I'm guessing it's more of a title - self-important, then (River snorted at this) - and of course, a traveler based on your ability to talk to anyone and everyone."

The Doctor sat in stunned silence while the rest of them laughed.

"I told him to wait until after food arrived to dissect you" Irene said with an impressed look at her boyfriend. However much she tried to hide it, she was secretly very proud of her boyfriend's unusual talent.

Sherlock swiveled his head around to face River "Annnnnnnnnd you. Well, first off, your real name isn't River Song - it's something Williams. You have a book in your bag by Amelia Williams and its clearly well loved, but it's a galley, oh those are hard to find now either you know someone in publishing or she's a family member. Irene tells me you work in archeology OK! So family it is then. Quick search of Amelia Williams says she's been dead a couple years, so not your sister, not a lover, not a cousin, but still to young to be your grandmother so by balance of probability mother it is! You run a lot too, and obviously there's the gun, as well as the fact that you're sitting with your legs uncrossed and one foot tilted back, instinctive if you're used to making quick getaways so I would say Secret Service except you didn't recognize the name Holmes and if you were part of the government you most definitely would, soooooo freelancers."

River smiled, and without missing a beat said "Bravo! I'm sure I would be quite impressed if I truly was a spy. Alas, my husband and I are just very unlucky travelers who happen to meet - or in my case, cause trouble wherever we go"

"So you say" murmured Sherlock, but he allowed the subject to change.

Their food came soon after that, and for awhile longer the only talk was about the food, with Sherlock adding in bits that were sometimes interesting, sometimes annoying about where the food was invented and what it's historical significance was. When the coffee arrived with a small selection of cookies, including one that was basically a glorified Jammie Dodger, the Doctor squeaked like a small child on christmas morning, and snatched it up with a possessive look and popped it in his mouth, to amused looks by River and Irene. River found herself yawning, and realized that it was almost eleven. Despite her adventurous lifestyle, she really wasn't very good at staying up late.

"Doctor, I think we should be going" She said, interrupting the Doctor and Sherlocks discussion about the validity of calling fish fingers and custard a dish.

The Doctor agreed, he knew what happened when his wife got too tired. Surprisingly she didn't get very grumpy, but she did lose her filter upon their unusual lives and upon... er, other aspects of their lives. He paid the bill, shooting down requests from Irene, and took Rivers hand, leading her gently to the door of the restaurant. They dropped Sherlock and Irene off, and paid their goodbyes. Sherlock offered the Doctor part in an investigation that he was conducting, something to do with a guy who they thought was dead- well, the Doctor didn't really understand but he was glad of the sentiment all the same. Irene and River bid each other farewell, and River promised she would visit again soon. Finally River and the Doctor arrived back at the TARDIS.

"Thanks Sweetie" River smiled coyly at the Doctor

"For what?"

"For dinner." She meant it. Ever since she had met the Doctor, it had always been running and shooting and spoilers, they had never done something so... couple-y. She didn't realize how much she had missed, being brought up by a crazy psychopath with no chance for something as normal as dating.

The Doctor grinned, and River took a step towards him.

"Be careful, that bow tie"

They both smiled at the memory of their first - well, first for River - encounter. The Doctor turned towards River.

"I love you"

"I love you too, sweetie"

The TARDIS dematerialized while River and her husband - her mad, fantastic husband who took her out to dinner on Valentine's Day - kissed.


End file.
